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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384741">I Feel You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isabelu_u/pseuds/Isabelu_u'>Isabelu_u</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Thunderbolt Fantasy 東離劍遊紀 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Detective Noir, Flashbacks, Kinda, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Violent Reunion, one is sent to kill the other, other than that it's angstyy, past relationship, there's a fluffy flashback for those of you that crave sugar, they love each other but it's complicated, they need therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:21:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,116</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isabelu_u/pseuds/Isabelu_u</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"whe- where did you say is my target now?" </p><p> </p><p>"we believe he came back to our city this morning, we can't have him here. I hope you understand how urgent this is" </p><p> </p><p>He sounded so scared; he was pathetic. All these suited college boy criminals are the same. </p><p> </p><p>"I'll do it"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shu Un Shou | Shòu Yún Xiāo/Sho Fu Kan | Shāng Bù Huàn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Feel You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulcharades/gifts">colorfulcharades</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The silhouettes swamp the city streets at night. Noisy, dirty, consuming everything only to disappear inside the office buildings tomorrow morning again. The neon light draws their shadows on the concrete and only there they can be seen as what they truly are, a moving, loud, shapeless mass of limbs and heads. There's nothing more to them all. They're dumb and weak, and among them could be his next target. There's nothing more to them all. </p><p> </p><p>"This next job could be tough" </p><p>He remembers the words he heard earlier, inside a dirty room of a forgotten motel that's been his office lately </p><p> </p><p>"We'll pay you well for it, just say the number and you'll have it" </p><p>He remembers his finger holding a photograph that shouldn't be there at all. </p><p> </p><p>"Nobody wants to try, and the whole city agrees only you can do it" </p><p> </p><p>He remembers a knot on his throat that shouldn't have been there either. </p><p> </p><p>"whe- where did you say is my target now?" </p><p> </p><p>"we believe he came back to our city this morning, we can't have him here, i hope you understand how urgent this is" </p><p> </p><p>He sounded so scared; he was pathetic. All these suited college boy criminals are the same. </p><p> </p><p>"I'll do it" </p><p> </p><p>‘That bastard is dead already though’ Shou heard himself think, but he needs the money so of course he's gonna charge this little asshole well.  </p><p> </p><p>Tonight, like every night with a target, one of the silhouettes is more important than the others yet it's not the same. It doesn't feel the same. He doesn't usually want to dive into that moving mass to look at each face, to make sure he didn't miss anything. Tonight, he's hunting for himself, for his hurt pride. Tonight, his heart is anxious and it shouldn't. He's dead already, isn't he? </p><p> </p><p>-------------- </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>He knew where that place was, the second highest building in the city, the crappiest security, how his fingers would try to put his hair behind his ear as the wind blew high up there on the rooftop.  </i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>“I know you’re ‘not into romantic shit’ but I wanted to show you this sight.” </i>
</p><p>
  <i>His hands wanted to help him catch the rebellious strands of soft black hair playing with the wind </i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>“I found it once when I was a teenager, it’s perfect to rest for a while” </i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>Shang’s black eyes were asking him to look down too, and only then Shou noticed the city below them. The same lights that were annoying down there here seemed like little dots, like they were trying to mimic the stars that were barely visible in the sky. The noise was barely there at this height, it made Shang's voice clear to his tired city ears. The most gorgeous thing was to be so far away from it, but close enough to see it burning and alive in real time.  </i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>“I wanted to show you that there's beauty in this city too” Shang said, and Shou looked at him ready to agree. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>“I already knew that” he whispered as he pulled him close for a kiss. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>A fast, strong wind wakes him up from the memory. From all the places, he chose this one to wait for him. The bastard really wants to die. </p><p> </p><p>His silhouette stares down at the street like in the memory as Shou  walks slowly towards him. There’s no reason to hide if he was being expected since the start. </p><p>He stops a few meters behind him. </p><p>“You’re too confident don’t you think?” Shou asks </p><p>“I always was” his calm voice pierces through the night. </p><p> </p><p>Shou takes out the gun on his pocket and shoots once, his precision not enough for Shang's speed, he was waiting for this. He rolls on the rooftop to change his position as he hears a shot, a bit rusty for Shang. He shoots 3 times as Shang moves trying to go hide behind the water tanks, he’s sure the second bit his leg at least a little. Definitely rusty for Shang. He did manage to get behind the tanks but tonight might still be his easiest hunt, any cheap dumbass could’ve done it. </p><p>“What happened?? Scaring soft babies in suits has made you forget how to fight???” Shou screams as he moves closer. The clouds keep blocking the moonlight and helping Shang hide his shadow behind the containers, otherwise it’d be an easy shot. </p><p>“Shou!” he screams, and the killer thinks for a second that it’d be so pathetic if he begs for mercy </p><p>“What?!” He answers, loudly, with gritted teeth and a dark expression he didn’t know he was still carrying </p><p>“I know who hired you… just…” his voice sounded doubtful, not really like how Shou  remembered it from when he left, he was incredibly confident in his decision that night. </p><p>“just what?! I know you know them, that’s why they want to kill you too, just get this shit over with already don’t be pathetic” </p><p>He thought the sky was about to clear out but another thick cloud passed by, he was getting tired of waiting. </p><p>“I…” Shang continued “i brought you here to show you that night… that there’s beauty in this city… please…” </p><p>“You're talking old shit as if it’ll save you” He interrupts harshly, there’s no point in this talk. </p><p>“Please just… help me save them!” Shang screams back, and Shou  just feels his heart pulling the trigger again. </p><p> </p><p>One, two shots to where he guesses Shang is. The voice gave him a hint but he can’t be bold enough to risk it yet. He has to let his mind remind him to be careful against him, no matter how easy it seems. </p><p>“I thought you knew I never gave a fuck about this city. You really suck at this just come out and let me kill you, I know you’re hurt” </p><p>The silence spoke of an incoming attack, and Shou felt the taste of revenge at the tip of his tongue. </p><p>Suddenly it all happens, the thick clouds keep covering Shang's back as he moves to shot at Shou from behind the tank, but the second he comes out he sees a flash of light moving towards him. As he remembers one of Shou's tricks he hides again but it’s too late, the bullet hits his shoulder perfectly, but the aim had been clearly to his head.  </p><p> </p><p>He falls back, and suddenly he's standing above him. The lantern on the floor doesn’t manage to help him see Shou's face. He sees the gun pointing at his head clearly, he can only whisper through the pain as he stares at where his eyes could be. </p><p>“just… please… hear me” </p><p> </p><p>The gun doubts, it shivers. Suddenly it draws near and everything shuts down.  </p><p>Shou  stares at Shang unconscious and he wonders what the fuck is he doing. </p><p> </p><p>-----------------------  </p><p>He slowly wakes up and gets struck by pain, in his leg and his shoulder. The feeling of his hands tied, chained to the floor as he’s sitting in a corner of a cold room. A room he recognizes too well. </p><p>He sees the same old bed in the opposite side of the humid apartment. The bright red lights from the brothel next door slipping through the closed blinds. The clear smell of cigarettes and powder filling it all. </p><p> </p><p>He kept him alive. He should’ve killed him. </p><p> </p><p>The wounds hurt but he’s bandaged, he can’t understand what made Shou change his mind at the last second. He can’t allow himself to hope. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the old wooden door opens. Shou enters the room with a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of alcohol in his hands, he moves to sit on the bed as if he hasn’t even seen him. </p><p> </p><p>He opens the small box and takes one, lights it in the same motion, and closes his eyes for the first drag on it. Shang notices how he exhales the smoke so slowly. A finished job, it used to mean. </p><p> </p><p>He’s suddenly looking at him. Shang had forgotten how incredibly sharp his gaze could be. It was all so intact. The dark eyepatch, tired features, and the heart held back. The mystery that face holds seemed even further away now. It made Shang wonder; would he know by now if he hadn't left? </p><p>“ohh, look who finally woke up” </p><p> </p><p>He must know, he has to ask. </p><p>“Why?” he says, staring firmly back at Shou. </p><p> </p><p>“Your friends will pay more to see you in person, they want to know more about you probably. There’s nothing much about you but… I guess they have to learn that for themselves” </p><p> </p><p>Silence reigned again. </p><p>Until Shang spoke </p><p>“I… I’m so- “  </p><p>It was less than a second. He saw Shou drawing his gun again. </p><p>“Don’t you fucking dare” </p><p>Shang saw it clearly in his face, an anger and an anguish so deep they seemed to be breaking him in half. </p><p> </p><p>“We’re not here to fucking talk, they’ll come pick you up at dawn.” </p><p>He gave Shang one last look and put his gun under his pillow, then took his boots off in a second and lied in the bed to sleep, facing the wall. </p><p> </p><p>Shang remembered then, how ready he was to cry that night, how angry he looked, how hard he punched him to the floor and told him to leave, how he closed that wooden door behind him. It was all still so fresh in his face, in his heart. Shang felt the guilt of leaving him alone once again. </p><p> </p><p>He deserved his revenge. </p><p> </p><p>But he wasn’t here just for him. </p><p> </p><p>In the dark quiet room his voice intruded again. </p><p> </p><p>“You ‘ll sell me to fucking child traffickers” </p><p>Shou opened his eyes and considered threatening him again </p><p>“Shut the fuck up, Shang.” </p><p>He couldn’t give up; it was this or death. </p><p>“I tracked them all the way from Xi You, their territory is the biggest I’ve ever seen…” </p><p>Shou felt his hands turning into fists. </p><p>“Seriously shut the fuck up I don’t want to make a mess here” </p><p>Shang wasn’t going to shut up. </p><p>“They'll bring a truck full of them in two days if i catch them now then these four years…” </p><p> </p><p>Shou  had no patience anymore. He turned on the bed and in a second he was kneeling in front of him, his gun pointing right on Shang's forehead. </p><p> </p><p>“‘THESE FOUR YEARS’ WHAT? WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR HERO ADVENTURES? YOU THINK I DO??” </p><p>Shang could swear he was breaking right in front of him </p><p> </p><p>“YOU… YOU WENT THERE ALONE, I DON’T CARE WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING, YOU LEFT EVERYTHING BEHIND!” </p><p> </p><p>Shang felt the voice showing the vulnerability his hand couldn’t. His eyes couldn’t keep looking at Shang’s either. He shut them close and Shang felt him shiver again. A whisper escaped his lips. </p><p> </p><p>“you… you promised you wouldn’t…” </p><p>Shang felt himself crying </p><p>“Shou…” </p><p>He wasn’t going to fall for this shit, he opened his eyes again, shinning like blades at Shang's. </p><p>“it’s too late now, I’ve forgotten, I need the money, I don’t care, you should know that by now!” </p><p>Shang saw a tear falling from his eyes too. Even if it hadn’t been there, Shang felt him crying the entire night. </p><p>He remembered the night on the rooftop, the way they flowed together as one through the city lights, how just one look was enough to know, one touch was enough to say… </p><p> </p><p>“Shou…” </p><p> Shang whispered through his tears, and pressed his forehead to the tip of the gun. </p><p>“You’re not this… I feel you… I still do…” </p><p> </p><p>Shou felt his chest filling with anger at the words but Shang's tears, his gorgeous black eyes, were so sincere, Shou would be lying if he said he didn’t feel him too </p><p> </p><p>They were one once. Now, together on the floor with a loaded gun between them, looking into each other's eyes, they knew, they felt it was impossible to forget. </p><p> </p><p>They stared silently until Shou closed his eyes hard again. The hand shook again and Shang closed his eyes too, ready for everything.  </p><p>The noise of the gun hitting the floor. </p><p>The feeling of Shou's lips on his. </p><p>Just a soft caress. He opens his own, and their tongues meet in the silence and their closed eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Almost a minute goes by on just that feeling. Shou's hand finds the back of Shang’s head and caresses lightly, lovingly, on instinct, like in their past. </p><p> </p><p>The kiss breaks, they take a deep breath, still their lips so close. </p><p> </p><p>Shou can’t believe what just happened, but can’t get himself to back down either. </p><p>“I should’ve killed you” he whispers </p><p>“You should have, yes” Shang whispers back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a special gift for colorfulcharades! We discovered this ship a while ago and it's still so very dear for us! i hope you can all discover  its infinite potential too despite my writing getting in the way xD  I swear I tried!</p><p>We plan on expanding this story too so if you liked it you'll get more soon!!!</p><p>i apologize if there's mistakes! english isn't my first language and i'm still doing my best to learn it properly TT_TT</p><p>THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! I PROMISE THE NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER!!</p><p> </p><p>  <del>the title is a depeche mode reference, i just love that song so much!!</del></p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24033157">Shadow by the windowsill</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulcharades/pseuds/colorfulcharades">colorfulcharades</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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